


Emotionally Compromised

by StrangertoBluewaters



Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: F/M, I LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-21
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-11-27 08:31:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18192218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrangertoBluewaters/pseuds/StrangertoBluewaters
Summary: Michael feels compromised by her secret relationship with Captain Pike. Is it worth it?





	Emotionally Compromised

**Author's Note:**

> Not sure if this will be the last installment or not. Hope you guys enjoy and thank you for all the lovely comments! <3

Emotionally Compromised

  
  


_Hahaha_...

 

Nhan’s laugh filtered through the bridge at an vexatious rate. It wasn’t high pitched, wasn’t even dramatic. But it was present and Michael didn’t like it. The way she hovered near Chris, asked for his signature, his approval, _his_ this _his_ that. Could she not make decisions for herself? Constantly flitting hither and thither, _always_ around.

 

Michael told herself it was because Nhan was the chief security officer. Everything she did in regards to Christopher was professional, until Michael felt it wasn’t so professional.

 

Michael had never pictured herself being jealous and, quite frankly, she detested the emotion entirely. Nhan was perfectly unaware of Michael’s _personal_ relationship with the captain. How unaware was she of Nhan’s relationship? Was it more than professional, was it... she shakes the thought away, focusing on work.

 

Despite how things had progressed with the captain there were certain... parameters that were unsaid.

 

Work makes things easier, she decides. Work is routine, work is momentum, work was... was she _leaning_ towards him differently?

 

Keeping one eye trained on her console and the other fixed on the target- Nhan- she studies the woman’s behavior. Her body language hadn’t altered but everything else seemed steeped in _something_ the xeno anthropologist couldn’t place. Perhaps it was part of Nhan’s species... some kind of ritual she was trying to incite.

 

 _Seriously? You’re that bogged down by something you’re making up in your head?_ Michael chastises herself for being so utterly foolish. This wasn’t like her. And she knew exactly who to blame.

 

“Engine repair log you asked for.” She holds the PADD out stiffly to him and he glances up when she doesn’t simply slide it towards him. He leans back in his chair.

 

“Something on your mind?” That question is one he poses to her regularly, sometimes personally sometimes not so personally. She raises a brow.

 

“No, captain.”

 

He takes the PADD, a look of complete confusion warps his features.

 

“Thank you?” He offers before she resumes her stiff posture.

“Is that all, captain?” She asks and he nods.

“Yes?”

 

Michael takes her leave and Chris isn’t exactly sure what happened. He knows something did, the way her voice was curt and brusque and coupled with how well he was growing to know her something was definitely off. What it could be was beyond him.

 

In the mess hall, hours later, Michael walks with her tray in hand towards her usual group. Except... damn it. There’s a new body. A lithe, thin, athletic body with black hair and a skirt Michael was sure was a little too short for regulation.

 

“Michael, Nhan is joining us! Come on, pull up a chair!” Tilly says excitedly. Michael sits across from Nhan, her shoulders square and the jovial atmosphere shrinks considerably at her presence.

 

“Nhan was just telling us stories about _Enterprise_ and their five year mission.” Kayla informs Michael, trying to bring back their earlier excitement to life.

 

“Was she?” Michael asks, lifting her spoon and swirling her chicken noodle soup.

“Yeah,” Joann confirms. “I can’t imagine being in deep space for that long.”

 

“It’s not something you get used to right away,” Nhan assures them. “Like... living on another planet that’s not your own.”

 

Tilly glances slightly at Michael.

 

“Well, Michael would know all about that,” Tilly says, trying to include Michael as best she could but little did her friend know of the burning hot jealousy sticking into Michael’s side like a hot bat’leth.

 

“Really?” Nhan asks, intrigued.

“I grew up on Vulcan.” Michael answers simply.

“That must have been quite a trip.” Nhan says with a charming smile.

 

Why does it make Michael’s upper lip curl slightly?

 

“I had no choice.” Michael tells her and she raises her spoon to her lips, taking a sip of her broth.

 

“Well, uh,” Kayla says clearing her throat, the women clearly sensing and smelling the rising tension coming from Michael’s point of entry. “I bet there’s a lot that happens when you’re out there for so long.”

 

_Damn it, Kayla, you just had to go there didn’t you?_

 

Nhan laughs warmly.

 

“I can’t even begin to tell you,” Nhan says, breaking a piece of bread apart and the way the crumbs fall from her fingers to the table irritate Michael. “There’s that strict... _policy_ , you know the _one_ ,” Nhan says and the women nod their heads. “Well, obviously few follow it and the ones who don’t can’t keep their mouths shut.”

 

“What policy?” Michael asks, striking another blow to the mood.

 

“The _one_.” Nhan clarifies and Michael shakes her head.

 

“Starfleet has policies and regulations as far as the eye can see,” she argues, and she can’t really seem to help herself, looking for a fight anywhere. “To which are you referring?”

 

She stirs her soup lightly, waiting.

 

“No sex amongst crewmates.” Nhan says, her tone changing as fast as Michael’s and suddenly it’s as if the other women at the table have disappeared.

 

“Standard,” Michael affirms. “I would hope an upstanding officer such as yourself wouldn’t be prone to breaking such a rule.”

 

“Didn’t you date the last guy who had my job?” Nhan asks and Tilly groans, her eyes closing.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business.” Michael shoots back.

“As a matter of fact it’s my job as chief of security to know who the black ops guy currently assigned to this ship was sleeping with.”

 

Michael suddenly stands, her chair falling back behind her and Nhan is on her feet too and if the table hadn’t been between them-

 

“Alright, ladies,” Joann says, her hands coming up to separate the two. “That’s enough. We’re eating, we’re friends.”

 

Michael says nothing but excuses herself, her appetite lost. Isolating herself in the science lab she can’t seem to focus on work, her routine completely breaking apart before her. Tilly enters, quiet as a mouse.

 

“Hey _gurl_ ,” she says, trying to lighten the mood. “That was- uh- freaky. Wanna talk about it?”

“No.” Michael answers curtly.

“Are you sure because this whole Scary Michael thing is really creeping me out.”

 

Michael sighs deeply and shakes her head, focusing on the computer screens in front of her.

 

“Ok, how about we play a game?” Tilly suggests, situating herself on a console, her feet dangling in the air. “I tell you what I think is bothering you and you just stand there stoically and silently if I’m right.”

 

God, that damn smile on her face. Michael can’t say no to it, but she grunts an approval instead.

 

“Ok. You’re crushing hard on someone and you wanna take that leap but... it didn'’t end well last time. Am I close?”

 

Michael gives Tilly points for almost hitting the nail on the head.

 

“I have made the leap.” Michael admits and Tilly gasps. “Take it easy. It’s complicated-”

“HOW!?” Tilly exclaims, jumping off the console and moving to Michael’s side.

“There are factors to consider,” Michael tells her friend. “ _Risk_.”

 

Tilly sucks her bottom lip into her mouth and crosses her arms over her chest.

 

“It’s someone important,” Tilly says and she begins to pace. “Someone you can’t be seen with. All that stuff with Nhan- breaking rules- protocol... stuck in deep space, risk, people running their mouths, important- someone import- oh!” She freezes, hands over her mouth.

 

Michael thinks she might vomit. If anyone could work out a mystery by talking themselves through it, it was Sylvia Tilly.

 

“Is it-”

“Shut up.” Michael snaps, her eyes serious but Tilly is wagging her finger at her.

 

“It’s-”

“I will kill you.” Michael threatens again though she’s not at all serious.

“Cap-”

“Stop-”

“Tain-”

 

Michael grabs Tilly’s hand, her eyes pleading.

 

“Tilly, please, don’t say it out loud.” Tilly’s smile drops and she rests her hand over her Michael’s.

“Michael, I... really?”

 

Michael sighs deeply and nods.

 

“Oh. Shit. I... I was just kidding but- oh shit. Oh **_fuck_ **!”

“My sentiments exactly.” Michael leans against the console, her arms at her sides, her head hung.

 

“Is it... like a relationship?” Tilly dares ask, her voice lowering, their shoulders resting against one another. Michael shrugs, looking at the floor.

 

“I don’t know,” she confesses. “All I know is that... it just started and now we can’t seem to stop.”

“Damn.”

 

“It’s... it’s the most open and freeing experience I’ve ever felt. We don’t just have sex we talk and he makes me laugh and I feel like I could tell him anything. Like... how I’ve never felt safer with anyone.”

 

Michael feels Tilly slip her hand into hers, her head lying on Michael’s shoulder.

 

“What you’re describing, Michael, is-”

“I know what it is,” Michael tells her firmly. “But it’s not that.”

“It sounds _pretty_ much like it.”

 

Shaking her head Michael releases Tilly, going back to her work,

 

“Love’s got nothing to do with it.”

 

As if the science lab was a revolving door after Tilly exits it’s not long before Saru joins her. He says nothing at first but she knows what to expect. As first officer it is his job to assess whatever squabbles or differences crew members may have with one another, no doubt Nhan has already tattled to him- no, she sighs. Nhan was doing her job by informing Saru.

 

Hindsight was 20/20, Nhan wasn’t the problem, Chris wasn’t the problem.

 

“Commander Burnham, care to explain yourself?” Saru implores in his skillfully articulated half commanding officer half disappointed older brother voice.

 

“I have no excuse for my behavior.” Michael lies, and Saru practically smells it, clicking he comes around to the other side of the screen she’s working at when she doesn’t look at him.

 

“Care to try again.” It’s not a question.

 

Bracing herself she faces him, arms behind her back in a staunch military pose.

 

“Commander Saru, I... I have become emotionally compromised.”

 

Saru takes another agile step towards her with his inhuman legs, tilting his head and his eyes adjusting to her body, as if... was he scanning her using his extraordinary eyes?

 

“May I ask in what way?” He proceeds, delving deeper into what Michael was sure was to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation. It was different with Tilly. The stereotype that a woman could tell her best female friend the inner workings of her heart better than her own brother were very true. But Saru wasn’t just her family he was her CO.

 

He needed to know she could do her duty.

 

“I have become involved with another member of the crew, intimately.”

 

Saru releases a steady breath, his eyes say it all: r _eally, Burnham_? Of course he will want to know who...

 

“And you had your verbal altercation with Lt. Nhan as a result of this intimacy?” He continues and Michael nods her head.

 

“As you and I’m sure the rest of the crew has noticed I’ve been distracted from my duties. I hadn’t had enough sleep and I was irritable. I will formally apologize to Lt. Nhan should she wish to follow up with her complaint.” Michael says, willing to take whatever punishment Saru sees fit.

 

However she also knows that Saru is bound by his duty to report whatever grievance Nhan has with herself to the Captain.

 

“Lt. Nhan has filed no such complaint,” he tells her and she blinks in her shock. “She simply came to me with a fear you have been taking on too much and are in need of a rest.”

 

“She... but I instigated a fight.” Michael argues but Saru shakes his head, resting a long fingered hand on her shoulder.

 

“Her job, as chief security officer, is to make sure all personnel are safe and secure. But that doesn’t stop her from noticing when they are overworked, Burnham. Lt. Nhan has no quarrel with you, she is aware that this is out of character.”

 

To say Michael was surprised was an understatement.

 

The revolving door trope continues only this time she is weary when it is indeed Lt. Nhan who enters her lab. She wonders where Christopher is. Most likely on the bridge, doing his job. She just can’t see him at the moment. For the first time since they had begun their affair she is ashamed of it.

 

“You’re not gonna punch me, are you?” Nhan says with a small smirk and Michael shakes her head. “You know I suggested to Commander Saru you take some time off but... here you are.”

 

“I’m better working,” Michael tells her gently. “It takes my mind off things. I’m very sorry, Nhan. You were right, I haven’t been myself lately.”

 

Nhan shrugs, hands gesturing through the air,

 

“I’m a big girl, Burnham, I can take it. But... maybe take a rest. Even if it’s a day. I don’t need you blowing up on the bridge.”

 

Michael contemplates giving up her work after Nhan leaves. She’s always thrown herself into a problem when the real world grows too crowded, when the thoughts of failure or emotion become too great. Would it be wrong to break the cycle now? She lets a PADD slip from her hand and fall onto the desktop.

 

She leaves the lab, seeking out her quarters.

 

Inside she slips out of her uniform and into something more comfortable, sitting in the center of the floor she arranges her holographic candles and crosses her legs before her. She steadies her breathing, attempting to find her inner zen. Vulcans rely on the spirit of their katra to find their peace.

 

Michael didn’t have a katra, not in the traditional sense and she was not entirely of the mind a soul existed. But the foundations upon which meditation was built on was something very real to her. Introspection was needed to find the root of the problem in order to find a solution and a way to move forward.

 

_In her mind she’s at a bar, going over data on a PADD, a red non-alcoholic cocktail in front of her. Her neck is sore from looking down, the Andorian bartender has all but ignored her since ordering. Granted in retrospect Michael had been a little bossy, telling Shirley Temple’s life story within a few minutes. The barkeep had little to no interest in a curly haired pink skin child._

 

_An alert on her PADD from Tilly pops up and she answers it,_

 

_“Hey gurl!” Tilly says, her big red hair taking up most of the frame, she could only just make out Stamets’ shoulder as the two walk through starbase 6 briskly. “So, we’re getting held up. Doctor Hammel just gave us a ten minute break. Looks like it’ll go a little longer.”_

 

_Sighing Michael had predicted this might happen. When Stamets and Tilly got together time ceased to be a factor._

 

_“It’s alright, I’m just catching up some work.” Michael tells her with a soft smile._

_“You know R &R means puts the work on the shelf and go have some fun, right?” Tilly says, rolling her big eyes. _

 

_“Is that Webster’s definition?” She hears Stamets says sardonically._

_“Ok, have fun, maybe I’ll catch up to you later.” Michael says and they say their goodbyes._

 

_Michael wasn’t entirely disappointed. In fact she hadn’t realized how relieved she would feel until she was stood up. A little more time to herself wasn’t such a bad thing._

 

 _“Burnham,” she lifts her eyes from her PADD to see Captain Pike strolling towards her, dodging a rather brooding looking Bolian. She waves at him and he comes to her, still in uniform, no doubt having met with the repair teams on_ Disco _. “Finally, a friendly face.”_

 

_“Captain,” Michael greets him pleasantly. “How’s our girl?”_

_“She’ll be up and running by tomorrow. Too bad, I didn’t get much time to explore.”_

_“You see one starbase you’ve seen them all.” She tells him, hoping to make him feel a little better._

 

_“Can I join you?”_

 

Christopher’s voice fades from the memory. She skips over the banter, the small talk, the eventual flirting, the way his knees felt against her thigh. How in hindsight she sensed his attraction to her before the Andorian bartender had said anything. She simply had ignored it. She had pushed it down and suppressed it as her desire for him grew by the moment as they enjoyed one another’s company.

 

It was then when she learned how expressive he was when he told stories, how he gestured with his hands for emphasis perhaps without realizing it. How he laughed at himself but not so much at others. He seemed to think she was funny too.

 

Michael knew she had felt the tension beginning there, building a little at a time. And before long... her memory is filled with him. Every moment of their time together is a warped little bubble all her own. Her need and desire for him taking over each of her senses; he was sight and sound and taste and touch, all organized into one.

 

He was the epitome of... well, everything she had thought was a myth. But that didn’t make him any less human.

 

_Can I join you?_

 

Four words had set Michael on the path she now walked. She imagines what would have happened if she had said something else, she pictures it in her mind...

 

_“I was actually about to turn in. Tilly stood me up and bars aren’t really my scene.” She says in her make believe world, a minute look of disappointment colors his features but it’s gone before she can process it._

 

_“Well, have a good rest of your night. Don’t work too hard.” Captain Pike would say, that same warm smile he gives to her will be what she uses in the shower but not until it was in the last few seconds of chasing her pleasure would it arise and afterwards she wouldn’t understand why._

 

_“Goodnight, Captain.”_

 

_She’d watch him leave, regretting it._

 

That’s not how it happened though. No, instead she ended up in his bed with her wet panties around her ankles touching herself while he watched her keenly and with great approval as he soaked up her moans and whimpers that were for his eyes and ears only.

 

Instead Michael sucked his cock, aching and wanting and giving up all control for the first time in her life... those memories were starting to invade her thoughts- his tongue in her mouth, demanding she return his kiss but being gentle all the same...

 

_You’re so... haunting._

 

Who says that?

 

 _I want to see it. I want to taste it..._ she had said those things, Jesus she had said those things to her captain.

 

 _Touch yourself... closer... I think you need a refresher course._ She feels his hand against her ass, spanking her and her fighting back. The fine balance of give and take being exchanged in their hands.

 

 _Are you back to the shower, fucking yourself with your fingers?_ ** _That’s_** _for making me wait. You do have_ **that** _look..._

 

_You make it easy to just be..._

 

Sighing Michael opens her eyes. The torrid moments are cloned again and again, spliced together with the moments where he looked at her not with lust but... something else.

 

If sex was the only thing that existed between them then Michael knew she wouldn’t be feeling as she did now. The problem was that there was definitely something _else_. And Tilly had been more right than she was wrong.

 

Her door chimes and she sighs. Probably Saru or Nhan or...

 

“Captain.” She uses his rank, knowing that this falls under the category of not behind closed doors. He doesn’t smile, simply stands there with a PADD in his hands.

 

“May I?” He asks and she’s certain this is not the most ideal situation. She was attempting to undermine her own personal feelings for Christopher. Of course it seemed only fitting the universe would thwart her yet again. She steps aside and he enters, he takes in Tilly’s side of the room and then her own but says nothing.

 

Michael terminates the candlelight, that’s the last thing she needs right now.

 

“What’s that?” She asks him after a time.

“This,” he holds up the PADD before setting it on a table. “Was an excuse.”

 

Oh. Right, of course.

 

“Want to tell me why I felt like I was staring down the barrel of a phasor earlier?”

 

Michael chews her bottom lip, wringing her hands slightly in front of her and finally her shoulders drop.

 

“Have you spoken to Saru?” She asks him and she can’t see his reaction.

“I’ve been informed about the mess hall. I want to hear it from you.”

 

She wants to sit on the bed but... that would invite something and she needs to focus.

 

“I’ve been emotionally compromised.” She admits for the second time that day out loud and many times to herself. “Ever since we began _this_ I haven’t... my concentration is slipping. I can’t focus, my mind constantly wanders to you. And not just... just the sex- it’s more than that. I can’t let it be more than that.”

 

Sighing Chris follows pretty clearly what it is she’s trying to say.

 

“Because I’m not permanent?” He asks her, his voice low but calm.

“No captain is ever permanent.” She says sadly and she feels him come closer and she wants to step away, to get him out of her personal space but damn it he makes it so hard. He was in her veins.

“You’re not the only one compromised, Michael.” He says against her temple, she feels his hands on hers. “Did you know you talk in your sleep?”

 

She finally lifts her face and she blushes with how close he’s come.

 

“I... I do not.” She argues but he smiles, teeth and all, his eyes sparkling.

“You do. You problem solve, you mumble equations, site sources...” She pushes her hand over his mouth, remembering what it felt like when he sucked on her fingers, she feels the tiniest bit of stubble beginning to form on his face.

 

“Stop doing that.” She tells him earnestly. He shrugs.

“Doing what?” He mumbles around her hand over his mouth.

“ _That_.”

 

He kisses her palm and she shivers, clenching her jaw.

 

“No,” she shakes her head but his hands arm coming about her waist. Another kiss to her palm, reminding her of when his fingers had grazed her there in the turbolift on starbase 6. “I... we can’t keep-”

 

“No, we can’t.” He agrees to her surprise. “I’ll go back to _Enterprise_ , you’ll keep doing what you love here, fighting the good fight. I’ll probably take another five year mission, miss more of home,” the longer he talks the more her heart aches. “Miss you because coming to _Discovery_ has changed me.”

 

As he speaks she’s unzipping the collar of his uniform, the thought of being torn away from him cleaves her in two, her breath growing shorter and she feels his heartbeat under her palm.

 

“I’ll be reminded of you every day, every second,” he lifts her shirt and she lets him. “I’ll look out into the void and think every star pales in comparison to you.”

 

Michael shoves his jacket off those perfect broad shoulders. He can’t leave _Disco_ , he can’t leave... her.

 

Suddenly he cups her face, stopping her, looking into her eyes so clearly it’s as if she can see herself in them. His thumbs brush over her cheek bones, softly and beautifully.

 

“But until that day comes,” he goes on. “I plan on making sure I’m with you for as long as I am fit and able. Nothing, _nothing,_ Michael, will separate me from mine.”

 

“I’m not anyones.”

 

His proper response is his mouth coming down hard on her own. His palm traveling down her side, cupping her ass and bringing her against him and she’s positively writhing. That took care of her introspection.

 

She rakes her hands down his back, tearing off his shirt. He lifts her, turning her until she’s against her bed and he’s between her legs his hands expertly taking her pants with them. He smirks, seems she kept to her no panties rule.

 

Bending over her he runs his tongue over her lips as his hand begins working on her below decks. God, they could solve the mystery tomorrow, the mission could end and be done and he could leave and that would be that. The thought of him leaving only heightens her need more.

 

“Stop thinking,” he tells her warmly against her neck, rubbing her, fucking his fingers into her.

“I-I can’t.” She says and he mouths her shoulder, sucking hard and soothing it with his tongue.

 

“Stop thinking.” He repeats and she sighs when he curls his fingers inside her, digging them in deep, moving through her wetness like a hot knife through butter. He lifts said fingers from her pussy to his mouth, licking them clean. Fuck, he’s a bastard sometimes. He rolls her over, propping her ass up and she thinks _finally_ because she knows how much he likes to make her wait for it, to earn-

 

 **_Slap_ **.

 

Son of a bitch! She thought maybe that was a one time thing. Was there more to Christopher than just... **_slap_ **.

 

“Fuck,” she whimpers.

“Are you still thinking?” He asks her and she groans into her pillow.

“Technically, you can’t stop the brain from-”

 

 **_SLAP_ **, this one falls harder and she shuts her mouth, stifling the moan that threatens to come screeching out of her throat like a photon torpedo.

 

“I find your lack of commitment vexing.” He comments, his thumb finding her wet hole, pressing in and she grumbles hard in her throat.

 

“I’m... _very_ committed.” She argues and he leans over her back, his other hand rubbing the sore spot on her ass.

 

“Really? Your attitude in my ready room earlier made me want to fuck your pretty little mouth till you learned not to take such an approach with me again.” He warns and her eyes roll back into her skull, fuck... he really wanted that? “I think that would be too much of what you want though.” He rubs her clit a little harder and she’s almost on the brink, grinding against it... so close, so fucking close.

 

Suddenly he pulls her knees out from under her, pinning her to the bed with a hand in her back and his mouth is at her ear,

 

“I want you to think about this,” he says quietly, his hand slipping out from under her and moving around to cup her neck. “I want you to think about what naughty little officers don’t get when they mouth off.” He slips one finger into her mouth that had been occupying her pussy moments ago and she sucks on it basely.

 

“And then... you have my permission to cum.” Suddenly he’s rising and she no longer feels his weight on her. She turns as he lifts his jacket, zipping it up, staring at her the whole time. Her mouth hangs open, her clit buzzing, needing to get off. He picks up the Excuse PADD.

 

“What...”

“If you touch yourself, I’ll know.” Is all he says before he leaves, swaggering out of her quarters like he just discovered a new element to the periodic table.

 

Michael gapes in the direction he’s gone. What the fuck? Did he seriously just bring her to the brink of orgasm and then... just left? He’s never left her like that before. He went from the sweet, sentimental, romantic Chris to dark, dominating masculine Christopher in thirty seconds, spanked her and then left her high and dry.

 

Well, not dry.

 

And then he threatened to know if she touched herself? How could he possibly just _know_? He wasn’t omnipotent! Christ, she had never been so frustrated. She slams herself into the bed and groans. To hell with him. He wouldn’t know if she masturbated. Michael moves under the covers, squirming her hand between her legs...

 

 _If you touch yourself, I’ll know..._ the threat- no, it wasn’t a threat she realized. It was a fucking challenge. Fine. She showers without touching herself, goes to bed and berates herself for letting a man have such control over what she did or didn’t do to her body. It queerly excited it her as much as it angered her.

 

There was a combination of confusing emotions.

 

Three days, vivid dreams and an extremely pent up Michael was enough to break the ship in half.

 

 _You went your entire adult life and now you’re a sex starved maniac..._ of course she knew it was more than the sex. It was the connection before, during and after. The sizzling chemistry, a cocktail of their personalities vibrating off one another that crackled and synged the air between them.

 

In the science lab she was working, trying to distract herself from the constant throb between her legs and the never ending flow of wetness that haunted her when she had a private message from one Captain Christopher-Orgasm Denier-Pike. She should make him wait... he might even see fit to spank her again.

 

Damn it, did she _want_ that to happen?

 

She should make him suffer as she’s suffered. There was the possibility the message was about work though and that needed to come first even though he had never communicated to her via private message.

 

_Then... you have my permission to cum._

 

“You wanted to see me,” she announces in his ready room.

“Yes,” he responds, closing out whatever it was he was working on. He remains in his seat.

 

Michael waits but he says nothing, he looks her up and down.

 

_I’ll know if you touched yourself..._

 

“Captain?” She says and he finally releases a small sigh.

“Go into the other and room and take your clothes off,” he says as if he were ordering a drink at a bar. Michael’s desire is once more piqued. But she stands her ground.

 

“Then what?” She dares ask him.

“You’ll receive further instruction.” Is all he adds, remaining still.

 

Alright. She heads into the room, undressing and waiting. Should she lie on the bed...? She gasps when she sees him leaning against the doorframe, hands clasping before him, watching her, taking in her nude form, his eyes soaking up every inch of naked skin.

 

“Sit on the edge of the bed.” He orders her and her heart skips a beat and her pussy tightens when he finally lifts a hand and begins undressing himself, keeping his eyes on her the whole time. Michael sits as ordered. Chris orders the lights to dim and she watches he grows cloaked in low light.

 

“You’re good at following orders,” his voice cuts through the room and she shivers. “Spread your legs a little.” He watches her again, she spreads them a few inches apart. He smirks and makes himself a drink. Half undressed in nothing but his undershirt and pants he leans back against the wall, gnawing his bottom lip for a moment.

 

“More.” He tells her, knowing she was playing with him. Another couple of inches. He sees her hand itching to touch herself, aching.

 

Raw, throbbing... her sensitive little clit he loves to lick nagging at her to offer it relief.

 

“Did you touch yourself?” He asks her and she shakes her head.

“No.” She answers shakingly.

“Good. Was it hard?” She cocks her head to the side,

“I don’t know, was it?”

 

He narrows his eyes at her and takes a sip of his amber liquid.

 

“Remember what I said about that mouth?” He reminds her and she feels a jolt of fear and lust rush through her, landing in between her legs, funny how often those two things made for such a pleasurable experience. Her hand is unconsciously fisting the bedspread.

 

He feels his cock harden at the thought of how needy she is, how _in want_ , how sore her ass must still feel because he really let her have it. How grateful she must be to have a position on the bridge that required standing. How eager she is to have him fill her up. All in good time.

 

Patiences is a virtue.

 

“Rub yourself against the bed.” He tells her and he sees the disappointment on her face followed by befuddlement.

 

Swallowing Michael begins cantering her hips awkwardly. It feels semi good but it’s not enough. Eventually she finds a rhythm to the madness but finds zero relief. It only serves to heighten her arousal. Damn him.

 

Chris almost chuckles at her struggle. Stroking the fire he knows better than anyone that exists between her legs he makes himself another drink. He can see her attempting to subtly cease her movements, nice try.

 

“Did I say stop?” His hard voice startles her and she groans softly and continues the torture. He hasn’t even put his hands on her but he might as well have.

 

God, even now he’s keeping her from cumming.

 

“Were you tempted?” He asks her and she nods her head, hoping that complying with whatever he says will bring him closer to having mercy on her. “I bet. In the academy I fooled around with this girl once, an Orion. She knew her way around a man that’s for sure.”

 

Fucking kill her. And he won’t stop talking,

 

“She had black hair too, reminded me of Lola. But Orion women... they secrete this toxin that leaves a man totally prone. She taught me everything I needed to know about patience.”

 

The fire is building steadily the longer he talks but it’s also burning misery into her belly. She’s close, she’s just out of sight of it. It keeps wandering away the closer she gets.

 

“Serving as Captain April’s first officer we set down on Risa once when it was still new and the _hip thing_ to do. I was still pretty green. And honestly sleeping with more than one woman at the same time seemed pretty unlikely,” he chuckles and she has to close her to eyes to imagine him with two women at once, fuck it was hot. “But, what is it they say? Women love a man in uniform.”

 

“And men too.” She blurts out but instead of retribution from him he laughs.

“That we do.” He agrees and she feels him come closer, her legs are getting tired.

“Stop.” He orders her and she’s both relieved and perplexed.

 

“Do I need to go on?” He asks her, cupping her chin and making her look at him. “I think you get turned on when I talk about other women. Somethin’ you’re not sharing, Michael?”

 

What the hell was he implying with that?

 

Shaking her head lightly in his grasp and whispers “no” but he crouches down so that they’re at eye level.

 

“You sure?”

“I... I find it... exciting.” She admits and he nods slowly.

“That I’ve slept with them or the women themselves?”

 

Sighing lightly, her breath washing over his face she licks her lips, she hadn’t really thought of being with another woman before. It wasn’t that.

 

“Just... I don’t know. I think it’s more the way you describe it.”

“It turns you on?” He asks her, moving his face closer and she nods. “It makes you wet.”

 

He’s closing in around her and she has no choice but to move back, her arms propping her up by her elbows and she can’t look away from the frighteningly sexy look on his face.

 

“I think you’re a little _kink_ ier than you care to admit.” He says, his lips against her collarbone.

“I don’t think I am.” She argues nervously, biting her cheek when his kisses her right above her nipple.

 

“No?” He pauses, his hand moving more slowly now around her hips, then he looks at her almost reflectively. “You remind me of a girl I once knew. Do you want me to tell you about it?”

 

During his question his hand moves over her belly, not touching where she needs it, just drawing those lazy fucking figure eights over her skin. And damn him she doesn’t know why but she _does_ want to know.

 

Slowly she nods her head and he smiles, breaking character only momentarily.

 

“I was twenty, I was finally starting to grow into myself,” he explains, that stupid hand neglecting her on purpose because he knows how to work her up but she can’t help but listen. “Mya was eighteen and completely- and I can’t stress this enough- off limits.”

 

Suddenly his hand moves to her knee because it was starting to fall closed and he gives her a little look of warning: _don’t do that again_. She swallows and nods and he resumes his story,

 

“Mya was Admiral Goodwin’s daughter,” he explains, a whimsical smile on his face. “And Admiral Goodwin was more or less a snobby prick. No guy- let alone a tall skinny nobody from Mojave- was good enough for sweet, shy, insecure Mya Goodwin.”

 

Chris’ hand travels from her knee back to her tummy, the tiny hairs standing on edge and he leans over her more, resting his face into the crevice of her neck, his breath tickling and teasing her, the promise of something more...

 

“Mya Goodwin was shy and she was sweet. Very nurturing and kind,” he continues. “I had one hell of a crush. My big red F... maybe if I had been paying more attention to the lecture and not her things would’ve been very different. It started innocently enough. A smile here, a wave there, a joke at my expense. I let it slide, it’s what you do when you like a girl, at least she’s paying attention to you. But an admiral’s daughter... well, that just made things dangerous.”

 

 _Dangerous. That girl is so dangerous_ ... lyrics to a song Michael had endured when Tilly’s music had been blaring one evening. Dangerous... the word brought out a whole new slew of feelings, a few of which she was a little familiar with. When he had fucked her in the ready room after a week of going without him, she had feared they would have been caught- shit, had that be a _thing_ for him too?

 

“My friends kept telling me, _she’ll get you thrown into a penal colony for life_ ,” he quotes. He lifts his face from her neck and stares at her, seeing the want in her eyes. “I happened to run into her one night, her parents were giving some party and she didn’t want to hang around. I got the impression Mya never rebelled in any sort of way. I knew I shouldn’t but she wanted to go on an adventure and honestly I didn’t want her to end up finding someone else a little less... buttoned up.”

 

Huh, she had a feeling that was probably the last phrase he should’ve used judging by his stories of previous encounters. Not that Michael was complaining, she needed to hear this through to fruition. God she wished she had known him then. But the Chris she had now was fully formed, fully made and she liked hearing about what shaped him.

 

“We ended up in this shitty little hover car you could rent from the academy. Like a... go-kart without the wheels,” he chuckles lightly. “Well they shut down after a certain amount of time if you leave campus. So we broke down by the pier and realized we had to walk all the way back. We sat there laughing and giggling like idiots before...”

 

“Before?” Michael asks him and his smile fades and his hand finds the inside of her thigh and it feels so fucking hot against her damp skin.

 

“The awkward pause,” he muses. “That moment when... you know you’re having a good time, you feel the chemistry building and building, brick after brick, and you’ve been waiting for your moment to make a move and suddenly it comes and- and you just... now or never.”

 

Michael recalls that same moment in the turbolift on starbase 6. God, the tension had been boiling in the air of that tiny space. When the Tellarite dignitaries had pushed them into a corner, the strain and pressure of Will We Won’t We binding them together...

 

“I remember putting my arm around her shoulders,” he goes on, swallowing. “It wasn’t very subtle but it’s what you do, you start with a little touch make sure they’re ok with it,” his hand travels closer and closer to the apex of her thighs and she stifled a moan. “When you pass that test you make another move, a little closer and if she moves closer then it’s a done deal.”

 

His lips hover over her mouth as he speaks, just out of reach, just like his fucking hand.

 

“And?” She whimpers.

“I kissed her,” he admits. “At first she just sat there and I gauged exactly what she might not be comfortable with. But, remember what I said about the quiet ones?”

 

“They always have something to say.” Michael recites and he smiles broadly, grinning with teeth and he breathes a heavy sigh through his mouth. “What happened next?” She asks, like a child being read a story.

 

“After the first kiss she loosened up a bit more. Then she admitted she had been wanting to do that, then I asked her what she was comfortable with and she said she didn’t know. I told her I wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want. A few more kisses and she was pulling me against her until I was half over her,” his hand moves a little higher and fuck, she doesn’t know why he keeps making her wait.

 

It’s not like it’s a long distance from her thigh to her crotch, but he made it seem like it was.

 

“I kept reminding myself to hold back, that this wasn’t what she was used to. I kept trying to give her space but she wouldn’t have it. Then she took my hand and pushed it up her skirt,” Michael’s breath hitches and out of nowhere he gives her a little kiss but with the smallest amount of tongue, another pestering reminder that he controlled how this went.

 

God, she knows exactly how Mya felt... frustrated and needy but unable to fully dictate what exactly it was she wanted. She had to _show_ him, make him feel what she wanted.

 

“I took that as more than a good sign,” he breathes. “I traced the outside of her pussy with my fingers,” said fingers finally find Michael’s wetness, spreading it and she moans hard, her hand grabbing his shoulder for support, her face in his collarbone. “I asked her if she wanted more and she whispered _yes_ ,” He sinks his fingers inside Michael and she groans with satisfaction.

 

Finally.

 

“And... and...” Michael can’t finish her sentence but with a blazing look from him she cries out a little more, a little harder because he’s suddenly pumping his fingers into her with no plan of stopping.

 

“I kissed her neck while I finger fucked her, telling her she was beautiful, that she was so sexy and wet,” he leans down, biting her hard nipple into mouth, sucking and swirling the peak with his tongue until it almost hurts. That sweet marriage of pleasure and pain... “That all admiral’s daughters like getting it hard and fast.”

 

Or Ambassador’s daughters too.

 

God, three days of being unable to touch herself was quickly mounting towards a very steep cliff.

 

“She was getting too loud and I had to kiss her to keep her quiet, whispering against her lips we could get caught and that she had to try to be quiet,” he’s starting to pant and Michael knows it’s getting to him too. “It might have been too much but I pulled her head back by her hair and told to look at me... _look at me when you cum_.” Michael meets his eyes and his voice is so rough he’s almost growling.

 

“ _Ohfuck_... please,” she whimpers.

 

Chris disappears between her legs, his mouth finding her hard clit, bringing it into his mouth as he keeps pumping his fingers into her and she grabs his neck, his other hand, anything...

 

He keeps his arm across her stomach, holding her down, making her ride it out with him.

 

_Fuck, yes, yes..._

 

She cums with a shallow sigh, three days of torture and unrelenting turmoil escaping through her lips as she falls back into the soft bed as he licks away the wetness secreting from her pussy. When his lips pass over her clit again she jumps, pushing at his shoulder...

 

“Please,” she begs, needing a minute- a _long_ minute- to recover. He crawls over her, hovering over her body on his hands and knees. His dick restrained by his trousers, poking her thigh.

 

“Worth the wait?” He asks with a sly grin. She lifts a weak arm, slapping him in the elbow.

“You’re a monster.” She groans and he chuckles again.

“A monster who can make you cum harder than you ever have in your life. Admit it, I’m good.”

 

Michael laughs, her body still quivering uncontrollably.

 

“You’re better than good,” she tells him, her hand finding his face, his brow sweaty. “It’s... it’s like you’re in my head.”

 

Chris’ face softens and he kisses the inside of her wrist.

 

“So then it’s not weird if I say I feel the same way.”

 

Michael shakes her head.

 

“It’s not weird,” she assures him. “It’s right.”

 

When Chris finishes undressing his face is different. Most of the time when they have sex he has that feral look on his face. Not tonight though... tonight is different, it even feels different.

 

And when he moves inside her, their torsos pressed flush against one another he’s stroking her face with his hands, giving her his kisses deeply and thoroughly. Not that he hadn’t been more than attentive to her needs but it was so distinct.

 

Eye contact had never been an issue for them, learning what made one another tick hadn’t ever created an problem. In fact they had learned the subtle cues of one another’s bodies so well it was like second nature, like it had always been there.

 

But tonight Michael swore she felt his soul in his kiss, his everything, even the stardust in his veins was glowing.

 

No other words were spoken, no dirty sordid details of his earlier sexual exploits, neither one egging the other on. There was no sparring, no dueling, no daring. Just them.

 

Chris tilts her hips further towards his pelvis, grinding into her with deep and slow thrusts that completely take her breath away. He has that look on his face and she cups his cheek with one hand, the other holding his against her.

 

Fuck he’s so hot inside her, his cock managing to hit her g-spot every time, every-single-fucking-time; rooting himself and felling and spreading her further apart, tilling her earth.

 

His hand holds hers tighter and with that same besotted, loving and tender look in his eyes she simply lets her orgasm take her with him. She’s curled against his chest as he pants in her ear and she feels their coupling seeping out of her while he’s still inside her.

 

Michael feels him planting kisses over her shoulders and her face.

 

“You ok?” He asks her gently and she nods.

“That... that was different.” She says, unable to completely process what she was feeling.

 

But what she was feeling was exactly what Tilly said it was. That feeling... the feeling of being-

 

“I love you, Michael.”

 

Michael wants to tell him it’s an impossible dream, that eventually the stars would take him away from her; far, far away. That it was all for nought. That logically this was not a match made in heaven. That giving him her heart and soul was to end in disaster.

 

Instead she smiles softly, kissing his chin before leaning back,

 

“I love you, Christopher.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come on, who doesn't love happy endings?


End file.
